William Shatner

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The real Captain Kirk with real hair.

William Shatner is a major asshole of the universe and proud of it.

Astronomers and physicists were puzzled that their gravitational calculations for this corner of the Milky Way galaxy were not as predicted. It took a Trekkie to tell them that they forgot to figure in Shatner's enormous ego. When that was done, everything balanced. Shatner also has never failed to stick the patented "Shatner Shaft" into anyone or anything he has ever encountered. This included giving STDs to green women, Klingons and the Horta.

His betrayal of friends while pretending not to know that he did anything bad is considered one of the great acting performances of the 20th and 21st centuries. This proves that his sometimes wooden, sometimes scenery-chewing performances were all self-parody. Unfortunately, that style has been picked by so-called actors like Shia Labeouf who look forward to taking the mantle of universal assholeism from the master.

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