Wear a mask

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Mask model 01.jpg

Now that every store run out of all the Batman masks until Halloween, you need a mask.

And the one that's the best one around now that that pesky Billy Mays is gone is the:

ShamOw Mask
  • Made of non-woven fibers. This is better at blocking virus particles than woven cloth, but quite frankly, the machine was broken.
  • Made for comfort so your neck won't be chafed while you pretend to be using one. Reptoids take note!
  • Machine washable. If you need to know what kind of machine, it'll only be $9.95 extra.
  • With zinc impregnated fibers so that the zinc will be washed out in the first trip through the wash and kill all those disease-carrying fish that live near you.
  • Made in America. Sadly, it's the only thing that is nowadays. If you live in China, ignore this.
  • Constructed according to Trump health guidelines. Gargle with bleach before using.
  • Boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew.

Plus it's made from the same great material used in ShamOws! If you take a drunken fall into a lake or canal while wearing your ShamOw mask, it will absorb ALL the water and save your life.

DOUBLE OFFER!*
*Yes, we will send you two for the same price as two! Or you can just cross your eyes. And you know we're sincere about this because we didn't write this in red.

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