Walmart

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As you might suspect, this actually works at any Walmart. Squeeee! (Japanese: Kyaaaaa!)

Walmart is a chain of one-stop superstores now expanding all over the Earth.

Each store is massive with an equally gigantic parking lot. Forget where you parked your car? You can buy a new one at Walmart. Lost your spouse or kids in the vastness of the store? You can also buy new ones or get replacements from the unclaimed people section of the pet department.

Walmart's strategy is simple but effective. Come into a medium-sized town and offer cheap prices to drive existing businesses into bankruptcy. Then generously offer to cash everyone's welfare checks because they no longer have jobs while slowly raising prices over time. Also generously offer part-time work to those who now need the extra income, allowing the company to pay them minimum wage with no benefits. Walmart also has a lenient employee dress code with leg chains always being optional.

While Walmart does intend to completely dominate retail sales throughout the world, they have anticipated people moving to the Moon by building several massive Walmarts there. This has then resulted in many people parking giant motorhomes in their spacious parking lots. This combination unfortunately has caused instability in the lunar orbit around the Earth. The Moon is now expected to crash into the Earth in a matter of months. Therefore Walmart is offering Moon crash preparedness kits that include special safety scissors to cut open your pants so you can easily kiss you ass goodbye when the time comes. Only $197.35!