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Mississippi flag to change

Roll over, Beethoven.
Tupelo, Mississippi – The Mississippi state legislature has its cap set to change its state flag. This will be the 377th attempt to do so.

The current group of representatives looked up in the sky one day and wondered what that thing was on the state flag. A Wikipedia search told them it was the Confederate battle flag. "Golleee, was we ever surprised," noted state senator "Bubba" Goering. The search also showed that Mississippi wasn't part of the Confederacy anymore. "We was even more shocked at that and just figgered Wikipedia made a mistake." But a quick check of
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Tulsa rally a success

All those nasty red triangles shows that COVID-19 is a Communist virus.
Tulsa, Oklahoma – The rally held by President Donald Trump has been declared a "yuge success" as attendees will be carrying the COVID-19 virus back to their home towns and cities. This will allow red states to quickly catch up in hospitalizations and deaths with the more densely populated blue states.

The empty chairs and empty overflow standee area were explained as "a symbol of those attending in spirit plus the spirits of those already dead from the Coronavirus". Campaign supporters also noted that many were
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Hoof and mouth strikes UK

J.K. Rowling replies to her critics after demonstrating her transphobia. Again.
Midsomer, England – Ever since she has started rubbing shoulders with upper class twits, J.K. Rowling once again has felt the need to slur the LGBT community. Like any self-styled celebrity, she enjoys tweeting nonsense opinions since everyone around her has stopped listening to her spouting off. In December, she threw her support behind discredited researcher Maya Forstater's weird opinions about transgender people.

This time it was about transgender women, with Rowling crowing that she was the real deal and transgenders basically don't count. This was a comment worthy of
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Treasure found

Not Forrest Fenn, not the finder, and not the treasure. But you get the idea.
Denver, ColoradoThe legendary treasure hidden by Forrest Fenn has finally been found after a ten-year search by thousands of people. With only a poem containing clues and the location given as "somewhere in the Rocky Mountains" it proved a challenge to many. So it should be no surprise that the treasure, reportedly now worth up to $2 million, should be found by a native.

Asking to be identified as "Rocky" while keeping his real name a secret until Redditors doxx him, the lucky finder noted that, "I wasn't really one of the serious treasure hunters and it was just dumb luck that made me stumble across it. It was in a place I don't normally travel and was only partly hidden."

When asked what he would do with the treasure
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Over to you, Tom

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Chișinău, Moldova – The high court has outlawed the type of rabbit trap currently in use as being both inhumane and unsanitary.

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