User:THE/Gertrude 2

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Inspector Walnut carried on with his speech. "This is the way our city SHOULD be, my friend."

"We're not friends. The only reason I haven't killed you is because you pay me. And because it would alienate readers. And I want to be liked by readers."

"Shuttup then. You're ruining my speech AGAIN. How is this satire supposed to progress? Look, we've arrived already!" They had indeed arrived at the scene of the crime: Francine Fudderdiekek's house.

"Well, let's go in, shall we?" said Linda.

"Not without finishing my speech!" bellowed Walnut. "Come on, we're walking around the block again!"

"WHAT? My feet are sore! And we must get to the scene of the crime and investigate the evidence!"


"Fine. Hurry up though."

They started walking around the building, listening to the distant sounds of gunshots, bloodcurtling screams, and collapsing buildings. "This is the way our city SHOULD be, my friend," said Walnut again, lifting his arms and indicating the surrounding graffiti, "A den of misery. That's why this act of kindness is so upsetting. We want our city to remain as nasty and crime-infested as possible. That's the way cities are supposed to be. So when people start being NICE to each other in MY HOME can't happen. It can't. I won't let it. I grew up here, and never ONCE did another human being show me an act of even the slightest compassion. And now I hear this news about kindness...very disturbing, Linda, very disturbing indeed. Very disturbing."

"Are you done yet? We've walked around the house three times now and my feet are in agony."

"Well maybe if you weren't so freakin' FAT, your feet wouldn't hurt as much!"

"Hey! That's not fair! I'm not fat, I'm obese!"

"Same thing."

"Yeah, I know they're the same thing. I'm just trying to be quirky."

"Well it's not working. You're lucky your character hasn't been killed off yet. Now let's get into that house and solve this crime!"

They knocked for eight minutes. Nobody answered. Suddenly, Inspector Walnut noticed that they were in fact missing the door and knocking on the wall. They knocked on the door, and it was opened immediately.