And so it begins.
The rat runs across the driveway and the driver swerves to hit it but misses. Must make time for more meditation. Do you trust me? A parent should never outlive his children. Let's play a game. You guess what I'm thinking. Don't look below either. It won't be there.
And so it continues.
That rat came from your basement. You never would have known if I hadn't told you. Don't tell your mother. She'll have to sell the house or buy a cat, and you know what happens to cats when they're let out near that restaurant. No one ever sees them again, and the restaurant has a special stirfry occasionally. I was thinking of passing legislation to force pi to be 3.14 and we'd have to come up with a new alphabet to name all the special transcendental numbers. You never would have guessed, just as your grandmother and grandfather are coming down the hall with large knives to cut you to pieces before you manage to reproduce.
And then a break.
The rat has a family, too. Stay away from those teeth. They're nasty. How do they kiss? But this is a break. I prefer coffee to tea. I'm such an American, though I'm somewhat ashamed to say so because of current policies. The police are coming for me now, so I have to write quickly.
And then a secret message.
This is a word to refer to something at hand. Is it necessary to tell everyone? Your cat has been warning you for months. Final touches are often important in fleshing out an idea. Warning! (All the first words constitute the message - it is no longer a secret, I guess.)
And then I got sick.
This is not spending the night draped over the toilet vomiting. This is hearing the command to turn to Jesus but without choice. It wasn't fair. I had to do so many things under the "command". I try to blend in, but only the cats understand. The mind goes where it will now.
And then I got laid.
Hasn't happened in years, but I remember well. That took a long time to sort out. Kids happened. Go figure. What kind of fairy am I?
And then I told the truth.
You are in grave danger. It's time to embrace wisdom. Get it anywhere you can. There is a time coming when the squirrels will attempt a coup. We must be ready. In the meantime, don't let your Mom control your self-esteem. Cut the apron strings. "What you call "salvation" belongs to the time before death" (Kabir). You'd better start listening soon, or it will be too late.
And then I asked some questions.
1) What makes being right so important? 2) Why argue over silly things like definitions? 3) Where did randomness come from? 4) Why can't I get laid? 5) Why create a universe? 6) Why is it true that IDGAS? 7) What is the real question?
And then I gave some answers.
1) Because we not only want to be right, but also first. 2) Because it's easier. 3) Nobody knows, really, but there it is. 4) Because I'm as big as a house. 5) Because Creator had to do something with its time, and it seemed like a good idea. 6) Because IDGAS. 7) The real question is: "Why does commander Riker walk like the hunchback of Notre Dame?"
And now for something completely different.
My favorite coauthor is the best. I cannot remember his name. Then there was a commercial about soup. I took my meds and went to sleep. I dreamed of the elephant and the blind men. I dreamed of being shamed. I woke up with my face in a drool puddle and made coffee. An airplane crashed into my livingroom. This is the perfect time for remodeling. The cat got away, and last I saw her, she was near that restaurant. I walk by the bar and head to the bookstore. They aren't like they used to be.
And then there were none.
There are no pineapples in that refrigerator. Any pregnant person could tell you that. What we experience is real, even if it isn't there or we haven't the words to convince anyone else. Some people will never get out of their own heads. Some of us never get back, once we have "felt the swaying of the elephant's shoulders." (Mirabai) So it's time to ask what really happened.
And they say, "Don't ask, don't tell."
I have a terrible time with obeying. This makes me a good father. I have had many good fathers. None of them told, but I kept asking. They passed me one to another overhead until I reached the place beyond the fire. I don't tell, but everyone knows. And they knew even before I said anything. Don't believe the doctors who tell you that you only need believe and you will be cured. It's passe. Yes, there is a cabal that doesn't exist and has grown very powerful. This is why I don't capitalize Benson. But I don't believe in the God Idea, anyway. If I have to believe in your God, I think I'd probably rather be an atheist. So don't tell unless you've lived it or believe it deeply. Only a few will understand or believe, but that's enough. While there's still time, run for president. Be the president who wasn't sure.
And so what.
Don't answer the phone. Don't let your children learn to drive in your car. Stay away from people asking for money, even if they're not in a church. Be safe and respect your own holy body. Don't let people tell you who you are, but hurry to discover it for yourself. Remember, we'll have a new North Star in like 2,000 years. If you understand this, you may still be here as it happens. Blessings on your couch. Thank you for your attention.
Wooop! And that's the way it is.