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Jizzlers! A tasty treat!

Twizzlers are a candy created by Barnum Brown. But you shouldn't give a fuck about that, because this article is not about Twizzlers. It's about Jizzlers, a much better candy. So here's a fair warning: if you're looking for Twizzlers, look elsewhere. This article is named for Jizzlers.

So Twizzler lovers go away.


Eat shit and die.

Okay, now that we've gotten the formalities taken care of, here's the article about Jizzlers (which should not be confused with Twizzlers).

Jizzlers are a candy created by Slamma-Wamma-Ding-Dong, a world renowned candy creator. The ingredients are all poisonous to man when isolated, but when combined, form a delightful treat.

The Mentioning of Jizz[edit]

Yes we know. Enough kids have mailed Slamma-Wamma making fun of the name. Half of these kids aren't even old enough to jizz in the first place. Fortunately for the manufacturing company however, the other half's jizz is used in the recipe makes for a cheap corn starch replacement. If you're a stupid little kid, you probably shouldn't read this next sentence.

You can't jizz. You won't be able to for quite some time. So shut your ass. I'm talking to you, the kid who puts his hand in his pocket for an experience every time he sees a skanky twelve year old girl walk by. Mail us when your balls drop, then eat some Skeetles.

André Breton Quotes[edit]

“Fo jizzla ma nizzla!”

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