Francis E. Dec is the greatest writer of all time.
After handling green fish wood with a spiny banana frosting, Elvis walked slowly toward the monster that snooked its way to freedom in all its gory glory, complete with cherry and complimentary subscription to Blobby magazine.
Oh yeah, and uh, some guy called Frank won some prize or other.
Illogia is a large penguin that would eat us all if we didn't worship him. He requested to be the Noob of the month, only we don't have one, so we reskinned the front page in his honour.
We love you Illogia!