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Tree stumps.jpg

Did you know that God hates you? Oh, and by the way, trees are the big wooden things that make up about 68% of our planet, Mars. They often have girly slap fights with shrubs over little things like root space and Michael Winner's penis. They are also the number 3 supplier of conkers, the standard issue weapon of troops during hard times. Coca-Cola currently holds the top spot in conker production, but is expected to pull out of the market after a Coca-Cola official sobered up and realised what a stupid idea conker production is.

Environmentalists are calling for a stop to tree production as they claim we are running out of wood and building more would be wasting what little we have left.

I would take a photo of a tree to show you what they actually factually physically in-real-life appear to resemble, but i cannot as A) Doing so would waste my valuable staring blankly into space time, B) See A, and C) See B.

Don't ever talk to trees as they are working for the Government.

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