Top 10 ways to die

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If you ever succomb to any of these you win a free lifetime membership to our club bar.

~ The Main Man From The Darwin Awards

The official top ten ways to die[edit]

Oh Man, you should of seen the look on your face! You were all like "Woah.", and we were all like "WOOOH!", and then you were like splat, and we were like "Awesome!"

It took many years to come up with the list, most of them spent in a shady room with the blinds drawn down low. But finally it arrives! Here, below, is the prestigous list:

10[edit]

Spontaneous Combustion (as opposed to the dreaded Contagious Sportission.)

9[edit]

Being smoked by a giant talking spliff, XD until only your shoes and the lingering musk of <insert name here> remain.

8[edit]

GENOCIDE!!

7[edit]

Natural Causes (aliens shoting you in the head for example)

6[edit]

Falling into your own grave, snapping your neck on the very name plaque bearing your title.

5[edit]

Death by boobies

4[edit]

Combining every cheatcode possible, and having them all simultaneously backfire on you.

3[edit]

Shot by the FBI for suspectedly transporting WMD's in your trousers, when really you're just extremely well hung. Oh yeah.

2[edit]

Death by a fat man thinking your a taco, hot dog, or burritoe

1[edit]

Death as a result of the one thing that's so amazing, so gory, so funny that it renders the event completely undescribeable. The course of action would be so genius that at least 12 subsequent Jackass movies would be brought out in honour of it. Millions would try to emulate your death, none of them able to capture the explosion of your spleen and the shimmer of the cat's incinerated corpse as perfectly as you did. Your deceasement was THAT good, hey man, your funeral had critical acclaim. Even Barney the Dinosaur turned up, you rock dude, you rock.

Top notch stuff eh?

A word from our sponsors[edit]

Die please