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Where you piss.

Some toilets are particularly mischievous. This one's stolen my Nectar card. Barsteward.

Toilets are carnivorous mollusc witch doctors who clamp themselves to the floor in peoples' bathrooms and downstairs "toilets" rooms. Toilets are hard to remove and much unneeded expense is required. Toilets will feed on nearly anything, but cannot stomach poo because of its texturous fibrin and degrading taste. This is thought to be behind the increasing rate of toilet starvation.

How to I get rid of this monstrosity then?[edit]

To banish a toilet from the house plead with it persistently using tacticly astute one liners such as "come on" and "be a friend. Please?". Easily persuaded toilets will then remove themselves and be taken to whence they came - the hardware store;

Toilets will actually be removed after the initial banishment in about 6-8 weeks by burglarstrained professionals, terms and conditions apply. Lucky contest winners WILL have their heads flushed down the toilet. It is inadvisable to banish all the toilets from your house - laws were passed for public hygiene you know.

How to tell if you've got a toilet.[edit]

Some toilets are evil and must be disposed of immediately.

If you have a toilet lurking slyly in your house, leaching off of your water supply and eating your spiders you may notice a flushing sound every so often as well as an appropriate place to deposit your waste fluids. Also if every time you go into your normally spacious bathroom to think about life and spy on the hot neighbour who's just moved in downstairs , a nice hole in the floor being in place for you to see into their bedroom; if instead of this you either trip over or faceplant into a toilet shaped object that looks like a toilet with a elegant toiletty musk that's somewhat ruined by another cruder smell, then that object may be concealing the whereabouts of the toilet. (Usually asking the toilet shaped object that looks like a toilet where the toilet is in mock grunt like noises then it will tell you). Be sure to reward the toilet shaped object that looks like a toilet with a dog biscuit, or an actual dog. Just stick it in face first. Goodbye Rover.

Now that you have located and banished your toilet (thanks to the help of the toilet shaped object that looks like a toilet) you can now release your bowels anywhere you like.

Article was done by user:Testostereich but I stupidly forgot to log in before I created it.
Very slight revamp was done by Testostereich who EPICFAIL'd to log in. Peace out brothers!

See also[edit]