The gnomes plotting your death
The gnomes plotting your death are lurking in the next randumb page with sporks. Don't worry, they won't eat your flesh... just everything else. To dissuade them from this course of action, I insist that you incessantly converse about the impossibility of insensitivity not occurring if this undoubtably occurs. They will you usually retort shame-facedly something along the lines of "We didn't want to hurt anyone."
Having been successfully defeated in argument, the gnomes will run off and most likely eat your baby.
But how did it all come to this in the first place? Not cleaning that closet where they live would have been a good first step. Plus that corner of the back garden that you just leave as a mess doesn't make the gnomes that live out there happy, either. And that gnome traveling all over the world in those Travelocity ads? He's one of yours and is probably bad-mouthing you everywhere. So you're not out of the woods yet. I'd start dressing like a gnome to blend in. Scrunching down might help with that.