Ted on a quest for corn peace
|The Popcorn Series|
Flim Flam w/ a side of Ted
A gorilla walks into the diner. The gorilla is a regular here and is very popular. He orders "the usual" as he usualy gets Flim Flam. As he waits for his order the gorilla picks his nose. A few minutes later his order arrives, and the gorilla wipes his boogers on the counter. His order seems fine, but he notices something wrong with it. He has a side of corn! Angered, the gorilla punches the waiter. The corn was our very own Ted. Ted screamed "AHHHHHHHH! KING KONG WANTS TO EaT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!". Since the gorilla only wanted Flim Flam he threw Ted out the window.
Stinky landing and Squirrely capture
Ted landed in some cow manure. "Ugh!" he thought as he licked himself clean. He hurried off to his house. Ted owned a small house, which was also his movie studio and theater. Ted had been making movies and playing them for people in his own home. "Oh! I forgot my shoe!" Ted exclaimed as he ran out the door. Ted crashed into Squirrel, his old nemesis. Squirrel growled and knocked Ted out. Squirrel had caught Ted, and held him hostage in his tree house. Ted woke up. He was tied to a chair in a dark room. "I've got to get out of here." he thought. He made a run for it and the squirrel sent her vicious wolverines to catch him. While being chased Ted thought it was ironic that a tiny squirrel would own giant wolverines. They could easily tear the squirrel apart. Just then the wolverines got ran over by....Batman!!!
Ted quickly stowed away in Batman's car's trunk. There Ted waited for a very long time. He started to play cards with the dead guy in the trunk, but alas he discovered dead people just sit there. Meanwhile Batman drove around fighting evil villains. Finally Batman returned from his duties, and took the dead guy out of the trunk. Ted seized the opportunity to escape, and followed Batman! Ted was inspired by Batman. He wanted to be a super hero. So Ted took Batman's gear and left. With his new powers he would find Frog. Frog, his dear friend, had went missing after The Peter Jackson Incident. Oh how Ted had worried for him.
Frog was sitting in a big comfy chair. He got up, puzzled. From his private collection he took out a copy of Batman and Robin. Oh how Frog loved Batman movies. Especially ones with Joker. Frog loved the Joker, and everything about him. He didn't quite care for Batman, though. "Hmm. Why don't I become a supervillain?" he said aloud. And so Frog became Croaker! And the Croaker would find this new hero, Super Ted. And he would crush him! Frog let out a menacing laugh. So he set out.
War is corn heck
Wearing the ill-fitting Batman gear, Super Ted decided he needed a sidekick and began searching for candidates. As he walked through a desolate moorland interviewing rocks, he came upon a parade with a marching band and even clowns, all being attacked by pixies. He pressed a button on his utility belt and WHOOSH! flames shot out and incinerated half the people in the parade, even though he was aiming for the pixies. He then pulled out his Bat-baton and ran toward the pixies, swinging wildly. Whenever he hit one, though, each would become two pixies.
He was soon completely surrounding by pixies as he watched the tuba and glockenspiel players escaping into the distance. The pixies continued their attack, eliminating all the clowns and taking their balloons, either of which could not be a bad thing. At that point, there was nothing left except Super Ted, a gang of pixies and tapdancing vultures that had appeared out of nowhere. So while Ted was busy interviewing pixies and dancing vultures to be his sidekick, he did not notice Croaker approaching with his henchmen disguised as giant orange squeezers.
A huge battle ensued. henchman vs. pixie and even henchman vs. henchman and pixie vs. pixie. Trapped in the mass of fighters, neither Croaker nor Super Ted could be close enough to each other to battle each other. This went on for hours as these things usually do, the group moving back and forth across the landscape much like a soccer game for 7-year-olds. Suddenly, a female voice in the distance called out 'GET IN HERE AND WASH UP! DINNERTIME!!!' Ted looked around and everyone was gone. He was saddened, as now he was probably going to miss dinner. He noticed something behind him and he whirled around to confront whatever was there. It turned out to be a police constable handing him a ticket for burning instrumentalists without a permit.
Super Ted sat on a half eaten candy bar, crying away. He then went home, sadder but wiser, with puffy eyes.
Ted ate his supper. He brushed his teeth. He got undressed. He went to his bed. He turned off the lights. He got in bed. He slept. Then he said "This is the end now go away." And we did. But, it wasn't the end. It was the beginning of Ted's dream.
Ted was under attack. The mongoose George returned and was killing his brother Herb? What? The ice cream sundae started up the burner. Ted dipped himself in cheesy dust. Cheese Corn!!!! Ted got eaten by Herb who pooed him out. Ted's evil twin P'oop reached into the bug spray can and pulled out a kernel. It was Ted's son!!!!!!! Ted said noooo! And P'oop killed Simon the baby kernel.
It was year 2035. Theodore (Ted for short) rummaged through a matchbox. It was all that was left in Home.Home was a empty bucket of popcorn. This is where Theodore resided. After War in 2020 all corn, popcorn, kernel were killed except for Theodore. All he knew was he was Last. Last on the planet. He scratched at his puffy exterior. He was popcorn now, after being popped in a heat wave. Something rustled in the breeze. Theodore looked Up. He saw the Dead body of Herb being thrown from a window. Herb was Dead. Dead. Theodore paid no notice because he knew that it was bait. They wanted to lure him out to kill him. Then, from the window came Frog. Dead. Next, squirel. Dead. Why would he care about squirrel? He did not know but They were getting closer. They were coming. Theodore got on his motorcycle. Rumm Rumm Rumm!!!! Rvrrrommm!!!! Theodore sped down the highway. He found Yeti, Dead. He went to Alabama. He found Lynrd Skynrd. Dead. All around him everywhere. Dead. Dead. Dead. He couldn't take it any more. Then Theodore died. There and Then. He fell to the ground. He was overcooked. His kernel exploded in the intense heat and he died. Dead. Why? Why?? WHY???? Well, it is because of War. Nuclear War. Mutant Chickens. Enough has been said. Ted was reborn in year 2067. Why? I don't know.
Then is now. Now is then. Here and now. There and then? Ted. Ted. Ted. Ted. Ted. They repeated over again. TED. Ted gasped. He began his life. He was a kernel. Surrounded by dirt. Dirt brought him a new life. He dug to the surface. All was Peace. Grass and trees. No buildings. Popcorn, corn and kernels frolicked around. Peace. Corn peace. He got up and joined his new family. Bob the corn cob. Fred the popcorn piece. Billy Joe Bob the kernel. They were his family. Peace. Finally peace. Welcome, to The United States of CORN!