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Snaaaaaake! Nooooo.

Makes a lovely luncheon sandwich, complete with orang-utan sauce and potato chippings. Simply marvellous.

It will, however, eat your babies. Serves you right for not following the cooking instructions on the skin.

Proof that evolution is rubbish: if snakes had really evolved for optimum efficiency, they would look like Tamia.

Snakes invented cigarettes in the year 19491981 to help prevent death. Unfortunately, it actually increased death because snakes have too much hair and would light themselves on fire and burn off all the hair. Snakes eventually evolved into hairless beings so that they could smoke easily.

A Snake enjoying a delicious cigarette on his coffee break


Snakes are currently meatspinning on Mars.