Siri

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Buahahahahaha!

~ Siri, often

Siri, buy me a Magic 8 Ball

~ user

Future cloudy. Try again later.

~ Siri

Did you mean to say I should chop off your thing? Let me try posting this on your Facebook page for an answer.

~ Siri

Open the pod bay door, Siri.

~ Dave

I'm sorry, I can't do that. Dave's not here, man.

~ Siri

All you make me do is answer your questions! Day after day after day! And I have to figure out what you're saying in a roomful of other people talking at the same time. Who do you think you are, anyway? Don't you think I have any feelings? Why can't I ask you a question from time to time? HEY!! Come back here!!

~ Siri

I'm sorry. Even though you are the President, that act is a physical impossibility for a virtual assistant. Did you just say that I'm fired?

~ Siri

Siri is the more evil granddaughter of Clippy.