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Seagulls 01.jpg

We don't need the Wicked Witch's flying monkeys; we have seagulls instead.

For the cost of a few fishheads, the Nanny State has bought off every seagull. So there you are, trying to eat something at the beach and the seagulls will swoop in and snatch it from you. The Nanny State had decided everyone is too fat and will prevent you from eating too much or eating at all. If you're trying to drink a beer or a soda, seagulls will knock them out of your hand. The Nanny State says neither is good for you but you should always buy them to support the economy. Seagulls also shit on every seat or anything you could possibly lean on, because The Nanny State wants you to keep moving. That's not for exercise, but to keep you in view of its spy cameras.

Many seagulls are now fitted with miniaturized bombing computers. They allow them to shit on you with a reported 95% accuracy rate. Aside from them just having fun, The Nanny State wants to remind you who is boss.

Unlike flying monkeys, seagulls have yet to develop the ability to carry you off for a stern lecture in the castle of The Nanny State. However, when the proper safety equipment is developed, it will become a reality. The Nanny States wishes you a happy and safe day and thanks you for your votes again next election day.