Scone of Stone

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The Scone of Stone (not to be confused with the Stone of Scone) is an arcane and mysterious object of power used by generations of Scottish kings for god-know-what reasons.

The chronicles of Beady the Vulnerable (not to be confused with Bede the Venerable) tell of its creation. It says the Scone of Stone was baked by Stone, the Dragon of Stone and Rock (not to be confused with Rocky the Flying Squirrel). After making a complete hash of a recipe for fairy cakes, the angry dragon threw the resulting inedible baked good against a rock wall, chipping the wall. Amazed, the dragon then tested it against a diamond, and found it to be equally hard. It named this a scone, and imbued it with even more magical powers. It was given to the first Scottish king, Stooge of Clan McDock (not to be confused with Scrooge McDuck).

As mentioned in the illustrated saga The Flash no. 111, it granted the holder fabulous and fearsome powers. Its owner could speak in tongues, rendering what is actually English unintelligible to anyone south of Hadrian's Wall. It also granted the ability to stand up after drinking massive amounts of whiskey but not preventing the need to fall down afterward. The Scone of Stone would aso allow its wearer to tolerate extreme cold so that sleeping off a drunken binge could be accomplished in a loch or canal. This would also later prove valuable when Scots turned to wearing kilts when their patterns were created by Burberry.

Thus, all scones today are just pale imitations of the Scone of Stone even though cooks over the centuries have tried their level best to make them as tough and inedible as possible. Just because you crack a tooth on a scone does not necessarily mean it is the Scone of Stone.