Riding the tiger

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See, this is what happens when you keep your tiger in an upstairs bedroom or something all day long, seven days a week – they start losing their stripes. This cat has become downright unstripey, if you ask me. Buy a nice tiger saddle with stirrups like on merry-go-rounds and take your tiger out for a run every day. Those stripes will come back in no time. Meanwhile, you will be keeping rogue elephants and wimpier Amazon delivery people out of your city. It is the law of the jungle after all.

If you ride your tiger to the supermarket, you'll save on gas and keep greenhouse gases to a minimum (tigers do fart every once in a while). Soon, you'll get used to riding the tiger everywhere. And you can park your tiger ANYWHERE. Who's going to argue, anyway?

Now, what to wear? Any type of cowboy suit works well and now you can be justified in wearing a cowboy hat instead of looking like you just came from a Garth Brooks concert. Going commando also works especially if you can do a good Tarzan yell.