Raptor

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Doesn't work so good in Russia as shown by dashcam videos.

The Raptor is the event when Dinosaur Jesus comes to take all worthy people to Heaven.

Everyone thinks they are deserving, but DinoJesus has very high standards. Remember the time when you were in first grade and farted and the girl who sat next to you made a face? And the time you let the paper from your drink straw get blown into the Grand Canyon and you didn't go after it? Plus the time you blew up the local mall? Well, all those little things add up and have disqualified you from going to Heaven.

In fact, the Raptor has already come and gone and you have been left behind along with all of humanity. Only two reptoids, a chameleon, a couple of parrots and a five-year-old washer-dryer combo were found worthy and went to Heaven. And so it is written:

Sucks to be you