Peanut butter

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An otherwise agile elf about to drop his peanut butter sandwich.

Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew.

~ Sam Gamgee

Clearly, Hobbits have the concept of making peanut butter down cold. However, this no longer jibes with modern methods of making peanut butter.

Today, a carefully measured handful of peanuts are added to a 55-gallon drum of lard, with enough Diesel #4 added to get that lovely creamy texture. Mix in 20 lbs. of sugar and voila, there's you modern peanut butter, with a bit of brown acrylic paint added for color. All natural, plus you get miscellaneous bug parts thrown in for free. No wonder that peanut butter sandwiches are the meal of choice for lazy or lousy cooks that can scrape together two slices of bread.

We'll leave off all the many peanut butter sandwich recipes for another day. But we do want to remind you that peanut butter is more than just for mere sandwiches. It makes an excellent denture adhesive so that you can have the tasty experience of having peanut butter sticking to both sides of the roof of your mouth. Peanut butter is an excellent all-around adhesive as proven by the blocks in the Egyptian pyramids still stuck together after millenia. Just don't go sticking any heavy machinery in your mouth while eating peanut butter, because you don't want a generator or sawmill saw stuck to the roof of your mouth while in operation.