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A panda is a large creature that only eats bamboo, but would rip you into tiny pieces to get to some bamboo growing behind you.

As a forest of bamboo is just really a single plant with clones, this presents a problem for pandas when an entire forest dies at the same time every 30-120 years depending on the variety. While waiting for bamboo to regrow, the wily pandas subsist on fast food takeout and energy bars.

Everyone says "panda bear", but this is incorrect. Pandas may look like bears and smell like bears, but they are actually more closely related to old-time stenographic machines and desk calculators. So pandas are excellent at taking dictation at a high rate. However, speakers that are mumblers are not appreciated and often find themselves turned inside out and made into panda toilet paper.