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What, that green thing? That's a piece of spinach on the screen.

Mozambique sounds like an interesting country, but where is it?

Since nobody learns geography anymore since globes are so expensive for home schools, we'll tell ya. It's on the southeast coast of Africa. Africa? You know, the continent Africa? Where black people come from most recently and all humans sprang from donkey ages ago. No? Anyways, look at the picture at right and play along like it makes sense.

Like any other place in Africa, it looked to be a good place to bleed dry by some European country; in this case, Portugal. After all, Portuguese sausage doesn't just magically appear by itself. But this lasted only until the mid-1960s when lefty guerillas got a bug up their asses. This enabled bunches of left-leaning singer-sonwriters to write songs about the country, because so many words easily rhyme with "Mozambique". And just like any other place in Africa, after Mozambique finally gained its independence, the fighters still had plenty of guns and ammo and decided to start a civil war. And when that was done and dusted, it was just about time for ISIS to start shooting up the place. I mean, is there a Michael Bay movie script for the history of African countries or what?

So discovery of natural gas, governmental corruption and yadda yadda yadda. At least they have a lot of cashews there.