Mall

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A typical shopping mall in the US.

A mall, or shopping mall, will have everything you need. That is, unless you need parking or clothes that are in your exact size.

A mall consists of:

  • A huge parking lot or structure that lets you wander endlessly in search of a place to park. If you happen to find a place to park, check it again and make sure sure you haven't accidentally wandered into a used car lot.
  • A large complement of large and small stores that will be a complete mystery. Some are without signs and you just have to know what's inside, like the ones for baby bondage gear or SAW movie volunteers. While maps of stores are provided near entrances, they are disguised as information signs which throws off most shoppers.
  • A food court with lots of fast food restaurants where you can get the same old stuff you usually do in the separate restaurants elsewhere. And you get to have your meal in a chattering den of parrot-like screeching humanity.

A mall might also have a movie theater complex with the same jabbering crowd from the food court. It might also have a children's play area where parents can hope to exchange their kids for better behaved ones. They also will have carefully hidden restrooms conveniently located several leagues from where you happen to be.

A mall's stores are arranged around its larger anchor stores, so-called because they are dragging down the whole retail business. They are large chain stores with mostly empty shelves, otherwise populated with things like clothing and shoes not in human sizes. They are also lacking salespeople who used to help shoppers but now just have performance artists who freeze to imitate mannequins. They only have fake shoppers that are actually security guards acting out their personal Nazi SS fantasies. Since any chairs in the mall are taken by geezers who aren't moving anytime soon, an anchor store is the perfect place to take a nap, whether it be on a mattress, easy chair or curled up inside a fridge.

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