Magic bullet

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The magic bullet is a bullet with magical powers that has been involved in many assassinations and historical events. It has been proven by DNA testing that it is the son of former president Ronald Reagan and celebrity Jessica Alba. The magic bullet has been known to have affairs with Paris Hilton and Che Guevara.


The magic bullet is most famous for killing JFK. The bullet hypnotized Lee Harvey Oswald (an evil Communist), and forced him to shoot JFK from the window of a pornographic bookstore. Upon killing JFK, the magic bullet used its time-traveling powers to go back in time 50 years to start...

World War I[edit]

The magic bullet used its powers to assassinate the band Franz Ferdinand, which was immediately blamed on those damned Serbians. Every country in the world declared war on Germany, while the magic bullet escaped unnoticed to kill...

Julius Caesar[edit]

The magic bullet magically became a knife and stabbed Julius Caesar 17 times in the back. It then burned...


After hypnotizing Nero, The magic bullet then got bored with pyromania and started...

World War II[edit]

By invading Poland. This was immediately blamed on Hitler and the Nazis and every country in the world declared war on Germany. Again. The magic bullet then killed...

Kurt Cobain[edit]

By shooting him twenty times in the face. The magic bullet hated Nirvana and wanted to destroy Kurt's career. The magic bullet time-traveled again, this time to create the religion of...


The magic bullet claimed that it was an alien from the planet Nebular 2265, creating an entire religion over-night. The magic bullet again got bored and conceived...

Jesus Christ[edit]

The magic bullet transformed itself into a suave man with giant white wings who took Mary out for a couple of mulled wines, got her legless and then transformed into a penis just to accomplish this. When God found out what the magic bullet had done, he banished it to Hell where the magic bullet shot...


Because of this, the magic bullet is worshiped by many Death Metal bands. The magic bullet again used its powers, this time to destroy...

The World[edit]

In the year 2008, the magic bullet pulled a giant asteroid into the Earth, completely destroying the world. All of the scientists on Earth are attempting to learn magic to try to banish the magic bullet before it enters our time stream again.

In the language of the l33t, this event can be explained in one phrase.


The Infomercial[edit]

On top of doing all of the above, the Magic Bullet also has quite possibly the greatest infomercial ever seen by mankind. It follows a brave duo: A British guy and his seemingly American wife as they traverse the dangers of the world's cleanest and most organized kitchen ever. Along the way they meet stereotypical foes like Old Smoking Lady!, Fat Guy!, Pampered Bitch!, and of course, Black Person.

In conclusion[edit]

Some n00bs claim that the Magic Bullet caused many other world disasters, but don't worry. We have until 2008 to figure it all out.

This article was
too bizarre for any version of Uncyclopedia,
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See Oslo[edit]