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Ooooo, boiled facehugger is on the menu today!

Luncheon is so many times better than a mere lunch.

For lunch is an abbreviated luncheon, not all all the same thing. A luncheon is certainly a more civilised affair, with fanciful ice sculptures of mythical beasts, potted plants surrounding you, a selection of hot and cold entrees, table service and the little bell in front of you to notify staff and any guests that luncheon service is about to begin.

Luncheon is the epitome of the "slow food" concept supporting good digestion. So you absolutely must chew 25 times on each side before swallowing, with each chew interspersed with a declamatory sentence or witty bon mot. Every luncheon must have a dessert following with accompanying wines, Irn-Bru and energy drinks. Then you and your guests, if any, imaginary or virtual or whatnot, will retire to the gaming room with snifters of port or brandy for a quick game of billiards. And it should be quick, since it will soon be time for supper at this point.

Luncheon also has the advantage of not having bullies eating your lunch, as they simply do not have the time or inclination to sit down for a proper meal. However, one must positively avoid that which is loosely called "luncheon meat", made from god-knows-what. Ground up bullies, hopefully.