Lot

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Instead of talking vegetables, use this to teach your kids sodomy, incest and how to divide cattle.

“Take my wife. Please!”

~ Lot

“That looks like a Lot.”

~ Camel finding a pillar of salt in the desert

A Lot it is not.

~ Traveler finding a normal pillar of salt

Lots and lots of Lots.

~ comment at Lot's family reunion

Is this Enough or a Lot?

~ Biblical Captain Obvious, pointing to Lot

Lot was a biblical character that had a lot on his mind. It's not like he was only concerned with himself, either. A different kind of lot. No, not that kind. Nope, not that kind either. Yes, THAT ONE! Took you long enough.

It was bad enough that he decided to live in Sodom and it was only later that he found out it was full of sodomizers. Though in reality, it was a lot much better than being in the other town full of Gommorahizers. So he worried about his wife and two daughters constantly.

Then came the day when he invited two town visitors over for dinner. Just as they were about to sit down, there was a knock at the door and it was the Sodom Chamber of Commerce who wanted to "welcome" the travelers. Worried that his guests wouldn't be able to sit down after this "welcome", he instead offered his daughters to the Sodomites, who in turn were tremendously insulted that slutty chicks with beards would be substituted. One of the visitors then came to the door and told the Chamber of Commerce to "go forth and fuck thyselves" which they painfully but happily did. Later, over the soup course (there was just the one), the travelers revealed that TA-DAAA! they were angels and were sent by God to destroy Sodom and neghboring Gomorrah based on Cartesian duality and a coin flip. They then warned "Scoot or get the boot" and "Make haste or end up like a Happy Meal" and disappeared. The family looked up in amazement to see that the spots where the angels were sitting were clean and cleared. This was the Miracle of the Bussed Dishes.

Early the next day, Lot left the town with his family. However on the road out of town, Lot's wife wondered if she had locked the front door and looked back, turning into a pillar of salt. For she had seen God's mighty fumigation tent descending upon the towns, a definite no-no. At that point, the daughters agreed that she had always been a salty bitch. The family then took her to a recycling center and with the shekels they got, were able to buy Slurpees to drink on the rest of their journey.

Salt and pepper[edit]