Kylie Minogue

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The breakthrough crossover Christmas album, Kylie & Kylo Christmas.

Kylie Minogue is an Australian pop music icon that has yet to be sold off to China.

She has managed to reinvent herself over a long career now spanning centuries, going from a teen lusted after by Pedo Bears to a MILF lusted after by most everybody else. Minogue began her career as a captive of the Stock, Aitken & Waterman pop music machine. This meant that a cardboard cutout of her was sent on tour while her contract had her scrubbing toilets at the Stock, Aitken & Waterman offices. She remained upbeat through all this while she carefully sawed through her leg shackles bit by bit, day by day.

After escaping, Minogue changed persona, even dating Michael Hutchence of INXS for a time, who is now known to have been another version of Satan Bunny. With this, papparazzi and reporters began following her everywhere to record her downward spiral into madness and drugs. They were sorely disappointed when they were never able to scrape up any dirt on her. Minogue would even invite them in for biscuits and tea on many occasions. It is however suspected that this was one of several body doubles of Minogue. This suspicion is supported by the fact that Kylie Minogue had herself cloned, with the clone given the name "Dannii".

Despite winning loads of Australian music awards and being made a saint by the Australian Anglican Church, Minogue has lived most of her life in the United Kingdom. Still, her determination to remain solidly Australian caused her disappearance while on tour there in 2006. After a massive manhunt womanhunt, she was found in the outback with a mob of red kangaroos, living off grasses and nuts. She had to be shot with a tranquilizer dart to return her to civilization. After a careful regimen of brainwashing, she has largely returned to her old self, but now has had a pouch surgically added to remind her of her roots.

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