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Needless to say, elephants are very bad at kite flying.

A kite is a conglomeration of paper or fabric and sticks that you supposedly try to get to fly. Really?

Whether it is a kit available from a pound shop (American: dollar store) or you get the thought to build something elaborate from scratch spending hundreds, one thing is sure. That is, it will not look like the picture on the package or reference photo. You will also have to buy loads of string or fishing line, a reel for the string, kiting clothes, etc. Just make sure to get your finished kite over to a witch and get it unhexed. It is important not to get mad if the witch laughs at your kite since she may turn you into a toad in response. Amphibians are not good at all at flying kites and all your cash will have gone down the drain.

Naturally, you will go outdoors to try out your kite and find no wind for days and days. And then it is guaranteed that that weather will be followed by rain and heavy lightning. Just go home and make a blood sacrifice to Odin and wait a day or two.

To avoid accidentally running onto a motorway or into large tree, find an abandoned airfield to fly your kite. Holding it aloft, run like hell into the wind about forty or fifty times before giving up in order to impress any spectators with your tenacity. Then secretly tie the kite to several clear toy balloons or an eagle that you have captured just for the occasion and hold onto the string or line to pretend you actually have control. Make sure you have your passport with you if the winds are strong. You might not want to let go of your prize and could get carried off for parts unknown, so it would be good to be prepared.