Julie Andrews

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Julie Andrews is, on first glance, a British singer and actress portraying warm and charming characters in movies.

However, this is all a cover as she is actually a highly paid ninja assassin-for-hire. Every movie shot on location in which she has appeared has been a cover for her deadly operations. It has been found recently that, while dressed as Mary Poppins flying through the air with her umbrella during the shooting of the movie of the same name, she silently dropped on an unsuspecting target and strangled her victim with powerful leg muscles developed as a dancer.

Rarely has Andrews needed to use range weapons as she usually acts up close and personal, assuring that she maintains her 100% kill rate. While thought to sometimes work for Britain's MI6, she is certainly much better than their own operatives like 007, who always seems to manage to get caught. With a hidden ninja orchestra surrounding her, she can and will burst into song at any time, distracting her target. In fact, she was used by the US to flush Panamanian strongman Manuel Noriega out of his villa when Andrews sang Do-Re-Mi endlessly for hours.

So if you ever hear The Lonely Goatherd or Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious behind you, make peace with your God and hope for a quick end.


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