I can't believe it's not Buffalo

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View from the park. Icebergs? No, that's Buffalo, silly!

Rust Belt Land, formerly Four Flags Over Buffalo With Two Missing, is a theme park located on Lake Erie near Buffalo.

Built on disused property on the Love Canal, it is a popular destination for locals who don't have enough money to do anything better. Rather than providing thrill rides and topnotch entertainment, Rust Belt Land relies on provide familiar yet exciting experiences for residents throughout the Rust Belt. For example, instead of a roller coaster-type ride, visitors in their own cars ride through the parking lot with its concrete slabs tilted up at crazy angles due to frost heaving. It provides a huge challenge to drivers that normally drive through parking lots covered in deep snow at 60 mph (100 kph), so flips and inversions are a given.

The structures are carefully constructed to make Buffaloans at home. Huge rusting hulks of factories are carefully dumped for visitors to feel at home, with abandoned buildings moved here for other adventures like falling through a weakened wall while on the 45th floor. An added part of the experience is for park police to chase visitors from the buildings and beat them while handcuffed in an alley.

Many visitors will come just for the food. That would be beer, beer and more beer. Whatever you order anywhere in the park, it will be flat Budweiser in a leaky cup, everyone's favorite. Visitors can order takeout pizza from the usual suspects that will be guaranteed burnt and greasy, also everybody's favorite in the region.

Outsiders may be surprised to find that the park is open all winter long. Attendance never lags since folks in the region are hardy types, plus they are all out of work and have nothing else to do. Plus, every day is Donald Trump Day at Rust Belt Land.