HowTo:Use a Malayan tiger trap

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It is important not only to dig a deep enough hole for your trap, but to not leave a ladder inside it.

If half of your village has been eaten by a tiger, or if you are a Great White Hunter, you need a Malayan tiger trap.

It's simple and effective. First, you need a strong net. This needs to be not so strong that a tiger can sense something is up when it walks on it, nor can it be so light that the tiger will pull it up to go fishing.

Then you need to dig a hole. It must be deep because you don't want to find an angry tiger in a hole six inches deep when you come back to check. So, because tigers can jump pretty well, you should dig the hole half a mile (1.6 km) down, and big enough to hold a tiger. That can be roughly estimated, no need to sneak up on the tiger to measure it.

Take the net and use it to cover the hole, then cover that with a layer of small branches and leaves. To prevent your smell from being detected and tipping off the beast, you should first grab the net and roll yourself and it in animal dung for at least an hour. It will work well and we'll get a good laugh at your expense. Also make sure you leave no footprints after you have set up the trap, so leave your shoes and feet at home.

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Lastly, you need to bait the trap. You can hang a chicken from a branch hanging over the trap and it's squawking will attract the tiger. Better bait would be the bratty little kid from your village or that Short Round kid from Indiana Jones who will make even more noise to attract the tiger.

When you have caught your tiger, drop in rocks, hand grenades, napalm, fragmentation bombs, missiles, cruise missiles, whatever you have at hand. This will only stun the tiger so you also need to fill in the hole. With that done, grues will close in on the tiger and finish it off. Job done.

Note that this will not work with Siberian tigers since there will be no overhanging branches on which to tie your bait, since there are no trees.