Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

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Defenses against the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch have grown more sophisticated over the years.

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch is a weapon of mass destruction first described in sacred texts of the Middle Ages.

This traces back to legendary Christian weapons created before the Crusades, including the Holy Spear of Antioch, the Holy Armor of Antioch, the Holy Bazooka of Antioch (now considered lost) and the Holy Two-Hour Laxative of Antioch. Since the Holy Hand Grenade is expendable, the original is kept safe today in the vaults of the Vatican and only one copy is allowed to exist at any one time. Since the Holy Hand Grenade requires three priests using an invocation and holy water, many have been captured over the years, but their whereabouts are unknown.

The earliest known mention of a Holy Hand Grenade was recorded being used against the Beast of Caerbannog in 846 AD, with great success. Many dragons were killed by Holy Hand Grenades, driving the remaining ones to Asia. In April 2019, the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch was used against bats roosting in the spires of the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, France, with the successful result of the bats leaving because they were made homeless.

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