Grandma

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Grandma, can I have a slice? I meant pie!!! Pie!!!

“No, Grandma, I said I want to go see the Build-a-Bear store, not Pedo Bear.”

~ Anonymous kid

“Are you sure it's not too much trouble to break me out of jail, Grandma?”

~ John Dillinger

“Grandma, I borrowed one of your aspirins in the bathroom cabinet, and now I'm seeing all these colors.”

“Hey Grandma! Can I borrow the time machine? I just need to go kill Hitler.”

“Why Grandma, what big gazongas you... okay, I'll shut up.”

~ R.R. Hood

Your grandma (or formally, grandmother) may be the greatest person in your otherwise meaningless life. She will not judge you, will give you money even for dope, make you the greatest food and will always have a smile for you. In exchange, all she will ever ask is a smile in return, and your unwavering loyalty in her plot to control the illegal drug business in your state. Plus you might have to drive her to the pharmacy every once in a while and also be her number one wheelman for bank robberies.