Four Minutes Thirty Three Seconds

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This great musical piece can be yours forever.

What you are hearing right now is Four Minutes Thirty Three Seconds, the famous and beloved composition by John Cage made up of total silence.

Multiple versions of this perennial favorite are included on the 25 CD collection of John Cage's Greatest Hits. Get yours now while supplies last! Operators are standing by! And if you don't order at all, we're going to send you two bonus CDs FREE OF CHARGE: The Greatest Hits of William Hung and The Best of Slim Whitman. These are sentient CDs and are trained to crawl into your CD player or laptop by themselves. There, they will disable the volume control to play themselves at full blast in full stereophonic sound while you try to sleep. And while you are out of the house, it will teach your parrot, your children and Siri every song on those albums, sung in the style of the original artists.

So order your copy of John Cage's Greatest Hits right now! Only $199.95 plus shipping and handling for this once-in-a-lifetime offer. Or make three easy payments of just $89.95 a month plus shipping and handling. Maybe order two or more and give them to your friends, lest we get too cranky and send out those other CDs we mentioned.