Football

Football, known also as Soccer, is a horribly incoherent game. I mean, what is an off side? Is it anything to do with the leg side?

Rules of football

1. Release 22 players on a freaking big football field which was built with money that could be used to give food to starving people.
2. The persons then chase after a peculiar, leathery, impudently round object known as 'ball'.
3. Once they catch it, they immediately kick it away in disgust even though they just chased it like there's no tomorrow.
4. If the ball goes between any of the eight white sticks, the umpire makes a weird Star Wars type gesture and you get some points.
5. If the ball goes between the goalposts you get two or three points, depending on the rules of the game.
6. If the ball goes into a net then a point is scored.
7. If you hit the ball so hard that you burst it you get a million points.
8. You can throw, kick, chest, header and even buttock the ball in a vain attempt to get it upfield.
9. A wicket is taken when the stumps are broken or the player hits the ball to a fielder without it bouncing.

Well, I did warn you. Pundits and experts who spend most of their time analysing the game have concluded that nobody knows what the chickenbutt is going on.

Notable practitioners

• Ronaldinho - he is an ugly so and so, but this is to be expected in such a brain meltingly strange game
• Arseanal - a team which includes such big name stars as David Semen and Wankmo' Kanu.
• Russian Football Team - crushing democracy one football team at a time