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Food is an infamous monster ravaging the world every day. You are a potential victim everytime you open a cereal box, eat, breathe, or even exist! You must save yourself and follow these instructions:


  • Develop a food allergy so the food will die when it tries to eat you.
  • Drown it in a pile of milk.
  • Turn the tables and EAT IT!
  • Jab a fork into it.
  • Starve yourself. (Note: this tends to be fatal too.)
  • Start a food censorship campaign and drive it all away!
  • Show it a photo of *Gulp*... Michael Jackson!
  • Make it do a thesis on Illogicopedia and watch it's head explode!
  • Show it another photo of *Gulp*... MICHAEL JACKSON!!!

Benefit of Food[edit]

What are you talking about? Food is an insane murderer!

Harm of Food[edit]

Um... I think that's what this article's about.

Harming of Food[edit]

Yes! Ehehehehe! Do it!
It deserves it!


What!? Let me go, you white-coated fiends!

UK laws involving the harming of Food[edit]

My lawyer says that, under normal circumstances, food harmers shall be prosecuted under the charge of harming food if they choose to harm food; however harming food is acceptable if the food first harms the one who is about to harm the food. None of this applies in Wales.