Food
Food is an infamous monster ravaging the world every day. You are a potential victim everytime you open a cereal box, eat, breathe, or even exist! You must save yourself and follow these instructions:
Contents
INSTRUCTIONS![edit]
- Develop a food allergy so the food will die when it tries to eat you.
- Drown it in a pile of milk.
- Turn the tables and EAT IT!
- Jab a fork into it.
- Starve yourself. (Note: this tends to be fatal too.)
- Start a food censorship campaign and drive it all away!
- Show it a photo of *Gulp*... Michael Jackson!
- Make it do a thesis on Illogicopedia and watch it's head explode!
- Show it another photo of *Gulp*... MICHAEL JACKSON!!!
Benefit of Food[edit]
What are you talking about? Food is an insane murderer!
Harm of Food[edit]
Um... I think that's what this article's about.
Harming of Food[edit]
Yes! Ehehehehe! Do it!
It deserves it!
...
What!? Let me go, you white-coated fiends!
NOOOOOOOOO!
UK laws involving the harming of Food[edit]
My lawyer says that, under normal circumstances, food harmers shall be prosecuted under the charge of harming food if they choose to harm food; however harming food is acceptable if the food first harms the one who is about to harm the food. None of this applies in Wales.
