Dave's Quiz Show

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“We're back for another round of Dave's Quiz Show! Hello, everyone!”

“Who's Dave?”

“Shouldn't it be me asking the questions?”

“Who is Stephen Fry?”

“Don't you watch any British television? Coronation Street? Doctor Who, perhaps?”

“Noyesmaybe?”

“Well, if you did follow any of those shows, I was the only British actor that did not make an appearance in either of them.”

“Answer my fukken question, you limey bastard!”

“I'm sorry, your comment must be in the form of a question. But first, let's meet our contestants. Contestant #2, where are you from?”

Florida?”

“Oh dear, that is an incorrect answer. However did you manage that?”

“Sorry, I just got nervous. I meant Alabama.”

“Another wrong answer! Moving on to contestant #3, where are you from and what do you do?”

“I am not of woman born. And right now, I'm standing behind this podium here.”

“Now that we've met our contestants, I thought you had to be Catholic, but I, Stephen Fry, am here in purgatory for hosting too many games shows. And so are you contestants and the studio audience for watching them. And the way to leave purgatory is to win the game. Got it? First question... ”

“*Buzzzz* Pierre Puvis de Chavannes.”

“That's... a correct answer! Well done.”

“On to the next question, what... ”

“*Buzz* Machu Picchu.”

“Correct again! Are you a medium or a mind reader?”

“My name is Lachesis, one of the Three Fates. All the answers are predetermined and can never be changed.”

“And do you win this game?”

“I do.”

“Ah. Well, step over next to our lovely archangel there and claim your prize! Meanwhile, we still have twenty minutes to go, so I'll tell you about my bumping into Russell Brand and James May on the high street the other day... ”