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Cyprus is an island shaped like a squashed pork chop located in the eastern Mediterranean Sea.

After being fought over by various peoples in the region for thousands of years, the Ottoman Empire finally took over Cyprus for over 3 centuries, allowing Cypriots to not only put their feet up, but to wear fezzes while doing it. Then Great Britain came along after the collapse of the empire, dismayed that it was in the way of naval ships on their ocean. Seeing not much in the way of crops or having water, Britain tried to fob off Cyprus to Greece, who didn't want it. Turkey, equally smart, was asked and also refused. Cypriots were quite butthurt at this point and also remained fearful of British cuisine. This fear led to unrest caused by reports that toad in the hole would be made the national dish. Thus, Cyprus was allowed their independence in 1960.

In 1974, Greece decided they wanted Cyprus after all and sent troops over for a coup d'etat. They were quite proud of themselves when one general happened to look out a window to see thousands of Turkish aircraft and troops approaching. So many landed, that leading troop elements were pushed into the ocean at the far end of the island and drowned. Eventually, the island was partitioned between ethnic Greek and ethnic Turks in the manner of Solomon actually cutting the baby in half as he threatened to do.