Crazy Murder Girl
You've had some bad luck with women in the past, from the girlfriend who thought she was a vampire to the girl who said that Tippex turned on her on. But, my friend, nothing compares to Crazy Murder Girl.
First impressions[edit | edit source]
You met her on an online chatroom, and within minuets she had convinced herself that you are either best friends, e-lovers or both. Foolish enough to give her your telephone number, she now calls you a dozen times a day. Somehow she gets your home address and you begin receiving the most lurid, disturbing letters from her.
The e-mail (extract)[edit | edit source]
The email arrives shortly after you stop responding to her calls. Things are starting to get scary, but you still feel in control - after all you can just ignore this person and hopefully they will go away.
- "Look, I want you to know I think the only reason I am not considered a slut is because I am not underhanded, sneaky or stupid. I don't play games. I don't casually sleep with people who can't handle it. I don't whore around I just do what I want if the opportunity presents itself. I rarely leave the house, not because I am filthy; I shower every day and wear clean clothes. I really don't care."
The Letter (extract)[edit | edit source]
It's been a week since you answered the phone or replied to an email. A letter arrives. Inside the envelope is a neatly folded piece of paper and what looks like human hair. You begin to read:
- "Look, red pubes! You don't have to send me any of yours or anything. I plan to see them myself someday. Hurrah! I can be as dirty as I want without feeling guilty. I've also sent hair from other parts of my body to prove I am red all over. I don't really care. If you don't think it's red just consider the thickness? Hold it up to the light. Most people share the irony."
The visit[edit | edit source]
Three days after the letter arrived and you are beginning to feel less paranoid. She hasn't tried to make contact for a while now. The door bell rings.
- Crazy girl:"I love you!" *starts chainsaw*
- You:"Holy fuck!!!!"
- Crazy girl:*while slicing through your torso with the chainsaw* "I love you sooooo much!"
too shitty for Wikipedia,
but Wackypedia barely accepts it.