Cosmetological Argument

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The ontological argument for the existence of God's hairstylist. Supporters say that God has the perfect hairstyle, which is of course, a mullet.

Deniers of this line of reasoning argue that because he has a perfect head, that God is, in fact, bald. Other deniers reason that God has never had a haircut, and that to cut God's hair would be to remove a part of him from himself, changing him in such a way to make him less than himself, which is impossible. Still others say that God must have infinite numbers of hairstylists because, since he has lived for an infinite time, his hair would be infinitely long, and grows infinitely fast, filling the universe.