Computer jam!

From Wackypedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Computer jam is rumoured to be the residue left by gay prawn, spam, and Consrevapeida (pictured).

Late Wednesday night, you've been outfnorded by your buddy, look out for the computer jam!

The computer jam is rly srs bsns because it makes your comp00ter into jam. The computer jam(!) is often the result of banana and cheese getting into your computer and becoming eeble sonk.

Fnurdles have been known to play a part in causing jammy build-ups as well.

Diagnosis[edit]

If there is a red-or-purple sticky substance that looks and tastes like jam creeping out the holes in your CPU, you probably have computer jam! If you are unsure, consult a technician. He will test whether it is jam or coloured mayonnaise using the latest methods.

Variaties[edit]

Computer jam comes in many form, here are some of the most common.

Strawberry[edit]

Red in colour. It tastes of strawberry.

Raspberry[edit]

Slightly less red in colour. It tastes of raspberry.

Blackcurrant[edit]

Dark purple in colour. It tastes of blackcurrant.

Fnordberry[edit]

Is the colour only blind people can see, and even then is visible to only the enlightened. It tastes of conspiracy.

Dangers[edit]

Computer jam is highly dangerous because this may result in release of hydrogen chloride gas. It may also cause the internet to collapse in on itself.

Prevention[edit]

Badgers in your computer may eat the banana and cheese and such but may maul your children.

Rats have been tried, but they leave doody everywhere. Badgers are therefore recommended.

Treatment[edit]

Smash your CPU with a big hammer. Hammer pants are the preferred attire.

Then write a stub on this wiki and rejoice. However, computer jams have been known to impede illogic.

Alternative Therapy[edit]

A common alternative treatments include sticking needles in the jam, setting incense on fire around the affected computer and drawing pentagrams on the CPU. None of the above have ever worked.

Other Theories[edit]

The Pixie Theory[edit]

Invisible pixies stick spanners in your computer. This causes the jam.

The Invisible Pink Unicorn Theory[edit]

The I.P.U. sticks her horn in the works. Ouch!

The Chupacabra Theory[edit]

DNA tests have found the jam is actually partially dehydrated goat plasma, in at least one case. An American yokel once claimed to have caught a mysterious creature in his computer, but it later turned out to be a mango jelly in a cardboard box.

The Middle-Aged Fat Hairy Lithuanian Part-Time Traffic Warden Theory[edit]

He does it! His name is Colicovtzchiki! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it! He does it!