Cold Stone Creamery

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Cold Stone asserts that all stones it uses are locally sourced through local grave robbers. Grandma?

Cold Stone Creamery is an ice cream chain found in many malls dedicated to making ice cream into something it shouldn't be.

The chain gets its name from the stolen gravestones used to mix their ice cream with various toppings. Made on site, the ice cream is neither hardpacked nor soft-serve, normally described as half-melted by most normal people but apparently done intentionally to allow toppings to be mixed in. That's okay as a basic concept. It doesn't matter which basic flavor of ice cream you order since it has color but no flavor, requiring the toppings that maximize their profits.

Patrons can add any of over 500 toppings to their ice cream. However, this follows competitor Baskin-Robbins' 31 flavors concept, where only 3 flavors are available at any one time. For Cold Stone, this means about 5 toppings are available at any one time. Cute high school girls or boys get huge scoops of toppings added depending on who's behind the counter, while the typical geezer might get a half teaspoon full of each ordered. The toppings are then mixed with ice cream by bodybuilder kids on those signature cold stones. This overworking of already gummy ice cream insures the maximum gummy texture that everybody loves so much.

Since these are mostly located in malls, it is recommended you make sure you have overdraft protection when taking the family to Cold Stone. Or you can do like I do and just buy an empty waffle cone, then go to a nearby fast food stand and put a cheeseburger in it.