Cinderblock

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Take your cinderblock to school cuz the bigger kids always get the playground balls.

Contrary to popular belief, cinderblocks are toys and not building materials.

You'll be fooled since they're stacked up in the yards of home improvement stores. But you don't have any cash for them since you're a kid, temporarily tapped out after being shaken down by the big kids. What to do?

Well, there's probably a big stack of cinderblocks at most any building site. You and your friends have the experience to get around night watchmen, guard dogs, electrified fences and razor wire, so what are you waiting for? Take all you want, since they're just going to build stuff that will come down in the first earthquake or tornado, anyway.

So now you and your buds have cinderblocks. Now what? Cinderblocks can help you fly, and fly fast. Go to the top of any 40-story building with a cinderblock and jump off with it. Wheeeeeee000000! Just remember that just before you hit the ground, let go and shoulder roll to cushion the impact. You can also play catch with your friends by dropping a cinderblock off that same building. They're probably too weak to throw it back to you, though. Wimps. If it's summertime, a cinderblock can help you play Diver Dan, taking you down deeper and faster into a lake or river or ocean than you ever have gone before. Just tie a cinderblock to each foot and jump! It's that simple! Plus you will learn the difference between a square knot and a granny knot.

A cinderblock makes a great pet that you don't have to feed, groom or take for walks. Or paint it in camo clors and you got a G.I. Joe! Put a wig and heels on it and it's a Barbie, though you have to have a really good imagination or the right drugs for that.