“They must be kind of heavy”
“About as heavy as my fanmail before I died”
This is a lucky chain letter, luckier than all the other 50 or so chain letters I sent to you last week. Believe it! I was really lucky and found a sheet of stamps in my desk drawer to mail this out. So it really, really works!!!
All you have to do is make 50 copies of this letter and send it to your friends, because they need luck, too.
I must warn you again that is terribly unlucky to break the chain. Hillary Clinton didn't send this on even to her 5 real friends and look what happened to her. Adolf Hitler broke the chain and look what happened to him. Don't let this happen to you!
As a personal note, I am sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis after you were struck by a hit-and-run driver as you were going to the mailbox. But see, you were lucky not to die!! Even though the rest of your family did in that house fire.
Best of luck,
X (signed by the personal secretary for Donald Trump)
PS I'm also sending you separately this weird Japanese videotape that I was sent. In 7 days, I'm supposed to be meeting some hawt bitch with long hair, I'm told. I can hardly wait!