Butlins, Bognor Regis

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In 1937 at Skegness, Billy Butlin created the first of the Butlinzards - Japanese-made plastic monster holiday camps, with beds made of solid gold (it is believed that King Midas might have something to do with this) and microwaves that have earned doctorates in going PHUTT! the evening you arrive.

The Latin name for the Butlinzard is Vacationis Inexpensens.

These monsters spread to other parts of Britain, such as Clacton, Blackpool and Margate, but the arrival of the Ibizan package holiday resulted in the species being put on the "Endangered" list. By the 21st Century, only three specimens of this terrible monster were left: Skegness, Minehead, and Bognor Regis.

The chief occupants of the Butlinzard are young Chav families. Middle- and upper-class types would never be seen dead at Butlins, preferring the Lake District. Butlinzards have survived thanks to the £9.50 holiday, that scourge of the upper classes.

In 2012 AD, Butlins plans to introduce some 1980s style "modern" accommodation in its "Gold Level" chalets, but critics say that Butlins needs to move into the 20th Century before they attempt to upgrade their accommodation any further. The survival of Vacationis Inexpensens is one of the topics set to be discussed by Tony Blair at the G8 summit; however, since the introduction of The Great British Dollar, profits have been through the roof.

Bognor Regis itself consists of 3,862,114 bedrooms, a Burger King and a toilet, which was installed only after a health and safety inspection in 2005. Rumours that the whole of Bognor Regis is, infact, a toilet are not easily dismissed, amongst claims that the town is, infact, twinned with Armitage Shanks.