United Kingdom
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| Motto: "Salty" | |||||
| Anthem: Na Na Na | |||||
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| Capital | Londonchester | ||||
| Largest city | London, innit | ||||
| Official languages | English | ||||
| Government | Parliament, Monarchy | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Alan Sugar, Superchap | ||||
| Currency | Pound stealing | ||||
| Religion | British | ||||
| Population | 60,000,000, indeed | ||||
| Area | Richard Branson's | ||||
| Population density | Fairly dense in inner-city areas | ||||
| Ethnic groups | Diverse | ||||
| Major exports | Tea | ||||
| Major imports | Chocolate | ||||
| National animal | Mondonkey | ||||
| Favourite pastime | Cricket, Football | ||||
| Opening hours | All day except teatime (12AM-12PM) | ||||
| Internet tld | .ukay | ||||
| Calling code | 999 | ||||
The United Kingdom is a place with a population full of cool accents. Unfortunately, due to overusage of British accents by idiots who aren't British, the British are slowly losing grasp of their accents and slipping into insanity, which is why Harry Potter exists.
British are mental but are not to be confused with the Birtish, residents of the island of Birt. Regular Britain is made up of Englandland, Schootlend and the Ireland of Whales. Super Britain is made up of tea cakes, a thousand acres of flood plains and Richard Branson's arse back yard.
The British aisles[edit]
Can be found in the British supermarkets and bowling alleys. In England, the latter is known as a Bouling alley by blooming eejits.
Accents[edit]
- Main article: British accent
“Yesh mayte innit mayte. Shave your head mayte you'll lose all your friends with long hair. You're a gay mosher INNIT. I'm going to bang you out... nobody move I've dropped my brain.”
The British are well known for their fancy accents. Why? Because they're fancy. But not French fancies. That's all.
Ou[edit]
The British are also well knouwn four putting unnecessary "u"s after every "o". Four the unitiated, this can be very annouying and cause head jams moure severe than thouse found on the East Lancs road on a Friday afternooun. Fnourdle.
Harry Potter[edit]
Contrary to popular belief, Harry Potter is not a real person. Nor will he fly to your house on his Firebolt and sweep you away. Nor will Hogwarts send you your letter. Bloody Muggles. You're Muggles, you can't get a letter.
“Sob. Why won't my letter come?!”
~ Author
Boom boom. OH NO, QUICK RUN FROM THE TRAIN STATION!
Cough. In conclusion, nothing in Harry Potter is real.
Misconceptions[edit]
It is well known that Brits have an increased beverage consumption threshold. However, untrue is the belief that the British like to eat pants - in fact, they like to eat underwear, not pants. In addition, the following table outlines a number of similar misconceptions.
| Perception of Britain | Real Britain |
|---|---|
| Have no emotional sensibilities | Are very emotional about queueing |
| The Beatles | The Rolling Stones |
| Have RP accents | Have Norven (Lower class) or Suvern (posh) accents. |
| Ruined pop | Invented Corporation pop |
Notable locationaries[edit]
- Londres - home of chip sandwiches.
- Manchestoh - home of ship sandwiches.
- Slough - home of some people.
- Sheffield - where every Tuesday is tinhat day! Wohooo!
- Twat-stugan - the Arse of the Nation (c).
Alternative literature[edit]
- Everything is British
- Superchap, Britain's answer to Superman
- Britain is full of uneducated hillbillies
- black power
- black powe
- black pow
- black po
- black p
- black
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- b
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- black
- black
- black p
- black po
- blackpow
- blackpowe
- blackpower