Bread tab

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The British Museum's collection of vintage bread tabs.

Why can't you open that kitchen drawer? After you crowbar it open, you will find it's packed solid with those little plastic things used to close off the plastic bags that bread comes in. These are known as bread tabs, bread clips, bread tags and other names. Only 8 people in history have been known to re-use the tabs on bread bags after opening them for the first time.

Bread tabs have no known use except to take up space in kitchen drawers and wherever they have been dropped or flung. So, some clearly drunk or loaded people have imagined uses for them:

  • clip matching socks together before washing, assuming you know how to match socks. When you take the socks from the dryer, you will find the socks melted together with a pair of pants, ready to go.
  • If cheap flipflops have had their thongs break through the sole, a tab can hold the thong in place so you can tapdance in them.
  • When instructed not to use paperclips or staples on documents, you can use bread tabs to hold multiple pages together.
  • You can clip wires together to make them rub together and burn your house down. Why you would want to do this is unknown.
  • You can have a contest on how many bread tabs someone can stick on their bodies. Extra credit is given for using colors and making patterns. And it's cheap to do. First prize is always a big bag of tabs.
  • Since they come in colors, you can have your kids, spouse and pets color coded and easily identifiable.
  • Similarly, you can stick tabs on noses, ears, lips or any remaining body parts on zombies to color-code your zombie apocalypse army.

Since Kwik Lock is the only manufacturer of bread tabs, and since they only produce a few billion a year, it has now been touted as a physical alternative to Bitcoin and other virtual currencies. Bread tabs currently (2021) stands at 0.0001¢ each in US dollars, roughly about the equivalent value of a Dogecoin. So you may be wealthy today and not even know it.