The Bogey Man - Cannibal Rising. Ever since he was a gherkin he idolised child-based cannibalism. He adhered to the wise sayings of the roaming cannibals of London. He survived in unattended pickle jars, staring at children plotting his next move. Unfortunately being a vegetable his next move was merely a dream.
One day however a hungry child, poised to eat the gherkin sneezed. Deciding he would not eat the snot-covered veg he tossed it aside. Thriving on chicken bones and consuming other unwanted food the gherkin grew stronger each day. After a few months he needed repotting and had the following awesome powers:
- The power to spread The AIDS Virus through sneezing.
- The power to roll from place to place in the form of a giant green bogey-blob thingy.
- Diplomatic Immunity.
- The ability to effectively hide in nasal caves.
just like me in my green youth!
- Teeth strong enough to bite through tough baby hide.
Dawn of the Dead, dead babies that is
Walking from crowded place to crowded place he was never caught openly eating children despite doing so in any situation. As his career peaked paedophilistines blamed for the killings started plotting how to redeem their now trashed public image.
The paedophilistines quickly put on novelty hats and fake moustaches. They travelled to the nearest town via minivan in need of cleaning. They confronted a homeless man in a dark alley, promptly buying a large installment of The Big Tissue. They ran up to the Bogey man and moppede him up in the hankerchief. The paedophilistines unveiled their rival and redeemed their public image to the point of hosting day-time television.