Bed, Ohio

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Residents of Bed, Ohio reportedly can and will sleep anywhere. This technician is hard at work testing bench installation.

Bed, Ohio is a typical small Midwestern US town.

Named for the co-inventor of the Murphy Bed, the town provides a safe place for the children who take their parents too literally when they are told to "go to bed". As most of the biological parents abandon their obedient but stupid children, Bed residents then raise the orphans until they are plump enough for the many cannibal restaurants in Columbus or are strong enough to sell into slavery.

The Murphy Bed Corporation is still the town's major employer, with the beds now all made in China. Workers test the beds when they arrive, sleeping for hours upside down trapped inside a wall to test durability and fit. Therefore, most just live in the company warehouse. Buyers of Murphy Beds often find workers still sleeping in them but as return postage is guaranteed, most new owners send them back to Bed (Ohio).

Bed, Ohio's other claims to fame include being home to the discoverers of bagels and being the test site for Alexander Graham Bell's experiments with waterless speedboats. It has been voted the number one town mostly likely to be unaware of a nuclear or space alien attack.