Barry Manilow

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Infamous drinker and ruthless Viking Barry Manilow hits the stage

Nicknamed "Da Wrong Person 2 Fuck Wit" for reasons unexplained, Barry Manilow lived from February 29, 1922.3 'til September 23, 8740. Woman's Weekly reported in 2008 that Manilow is the most famous and influential musician ever, a claim disputed by fans of Ken Dodd. Undebatably. If somebody tells you that, oh, say, The Beatles were more influential than Barry Manilow, strap them to a chair with their eyes taped open for seven hundred consecutive hours listening to Le c'est Maneloe and see what they think then. Huh? Huh? Try it. He also has the best, and most numerous, collection of 1980s Compilation Albums in the world.

Anyway, old "BM's" major contributions include the inventions of jazz, pop, country, western, rock 'n' roll, R&B, rap, and a significant addition to the baroque movement. Also, in 1991 he released Nevermind, jump-starting the grunge movement.

During his live performances he is known to sing, dance, juggle, and bench press three (three!) full-grown cows all at the same time.

There is a small sect of Hassidic Jews in Brooklyn who believe Manilow is the long-awaited Messiah. He also loves to ask people abruptly--'spare a fag??'

In 1988 he won the Grammy Award for biggest nose.

Life and Times[edit]

The later early years[edit]

Barry finally stored up enough fish to buy his way to freedom, and, upon entering the bright light of his house, he thought, "that wallpaper and I are engaged in a battle to the death." So he subsequently killed it, and, invented the colour purple in the process.

The early late years[edit]

Barry Maniblow was on the town now. He met such avid socialites as Bill Gates, Oscar Wilde, and Oprah. He was never lonely again. Except for the time when he whent fishing and didn't catch anything.

He also co-invented Al Gore with Beatles reject Pete Best.

Barry Manilow's musical career peaked in the late 1970s, with easy listening classics such as "Copacabana" and "I Write the Songs." In the mid-1980s, declining sales and Manilow's boredom with his image led him to pursue hardcore punk for the remainder of his career. This direction began with an acclaimed collaboration with Black Flag in 1985. Among Manilow's later highlights are "Strangled Crack Addict Fetus" (1988) and "Fuck Social Conformity" (1990). Currently, Manilow's Vegas act features his breezy early material in its first half, and an appearance in ass-less leather chaps and a strap-on strobe-light dildo in the second "hardcore" segment.

The Later late years[edit]

Barry had invented everything he could, so he went to Mars to try to find some aliens who hadn't invented some stuff yet and was never heard from again. However, before he left, he managed to squeeze out some lyrics to the theme song of Dick Clark's popular song-and dance show, American Bonfire. WILLY Manilow also bribed the voters at for the Emmy's to defeat the undefeatable Stephen Colbert. He also now came out of the closet and declared his love for science-fiction, starting a cult called Hinduism which became a huge religion in the wilds of Borneo. When he was REALLY hard up for work, he began stalking songwriter Jim Steinman in the hope that he'd accidentally drop his song book, and Manilow could record everything on it in record time, on a Playschool Tape Recorder.

Other notes[edit]

  • Electro-House Frenchies and popular Halloween costumes Daft Punk sampled a line from Barry Manilow's song "Who's Been Anally Raping A Gay Retarded Midget In My Bed" and looped it several thousand times for their disco hit "Supervillains".
  • Barry Manilow was referenced in an episode of Family Guy, when four characters try to hide the shame of actually liking his music.
  • In 1989, there was an incident with a pigeon.
  • Judd Nelson(the infamous corn dog rapest) is known to assume Barry Manilow's wardrobe is raided.

Alter Ego[edit]

Before his untimely death in the future, Manilow does TV work in the UK under the alter ego David Dickinson, nicknamed "the dick". His most popular show is "Dickinson's Real Feel", where members of the public sell him their old teeth, wigs and crap for up to £500.